My Story

Empowering Souls, One Breath at a Time
Journey to Inner Peace and Joyful Living with Natalie.

It’s way too long to go into at length on here but let’s just say, I realise I was experiencing anxiety and OCD as a child, which moved into a seeming full blown panic disorder age 19 after a few traumatic experiences happened in short succession…which completely burnt out my nervous system and I started experiencing panic attacks out of the blue.

I was living in constant adrenaline and terror pretty much 24 x 7 for 18 months. I had no idea at the time what was going on and didn’t tell anyone as I thought I was going mad. My biggest fear growing up was that I would go insane so you can imagine the lovely game the ego was playing with me as I went into panic. So it was a vicious cycle I couldn’t get out of.

Eventually, after finally chatting with a Doctor and the help of anti-depressants the anxiety stopped but now I was numb. I didn't feel anything and the egoic thought system of fear, guilt and shame was still running underneath - albeit less apparent. Nothing was healed, it was just buried. I thought I had got out of the hell of panic disorder until I had another panic attack at 23 which put me back in the cycle of ‘fear of fear’….sounds ridiculous but if you know you know. The level of vigilance to try and stop myself having a panic attack, constantly checking if I was going to have another one from moment to moment was relentless.

This led to a lot of self medication and too much partying, trying to escape the prison of my mind and then paying the price for it double-time after the weekend. And the cycle continued. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me, I was damaged, I was bad and there was no real hope for me. (Now I know we all have these beliefs running....we just don't admit to it).

I still managed to work and be successful, (in a corporate way). I worked in I.T. sales and I looked OK from the outside but inside, it was excruciatingly painful. There was little respite and it was exhausting. And I was pretending on every level.

I married and did all the things I thought you were supposed to do, and I had my daughter Layla in 2004. But the void was real and the thoughts and emptiness continued to run the show. When she was 3 I left my marriage as I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I started a recruitment business at this time which I managed to make work. It appeased some of the guilt that was there around leaving my marriage and choosing the path of being a single mum, leaving my daughter from a broken home. The guilt was horrific but working from home made it easier on some level. I’m very grateful for what that business gave me.

But on a spiritual level, I was searching big time for answers, I knew there had to be more than this....but I didn’t know how to find it.

I entered into a few impossible relationships over the years, which were merely a reflection of my own self worth.

Breaking Through - The journey out of suffering to the Miracle Mind!

It was in 2019 I discovered Breathwork through my sister who'd had a few sessions and said she’d really benefitted. Although I was extremely shut down and unable to experience the benefits in the first couple of sessions, something about Breathwork was really interesting to me and I felt very pulled towards it.

When Covid hit, work was very quiet and I decided to use the time to really learn how to do it properly and I went in deep. I did an intensive online course with a world renowned teacher and this was when the breakthroughs really happened. Once I got comfortable with it and realised I wasn’t going to die or have a stroke doing it, (yes that’s the bullshit my mind would say) I began to have incredible experiences. The first was emotion, and I mean emotion like I’d never encountered. Like 'Tsunami level' tears and wailing...gosh the wailing…..and I was so grateful to feel these feelings but without any story attached. Daily I began to release more and more of all the stuff I had been holding. And it felt AMAZING! And then I began to release physically – shaking, convulsing – again it was incredible to feel this survival energy leaving my body and creating space for me to feel safe to just be here.

And then came the mystical experiences……feelings of ONENESS, being held and loved, revelations of things that could be let go, forgiveness, old memories and Divine guidance. More than anything, I started to feel safe….something I hadn’t felt since being a young child.

Around the same time I discovered plant medicines....initially psilocybin mushrooms which opened me up further, and I had some truly profound experiences. I knew I was here for a reason and I knew that God was real. THERE IS NO DOUBT. Everything started to click into place. I was returning to the version of me I was supposed to be and not the one I thought I needed to be.

Ceremonial Cacao, ( an incredible plant medicine which is the purest form of chocolate) arrived and changed my life…..it opened my heart, helped hugely with anxiety and mood and I began to use it with my breathwork practice. Soon after my friend Rachel and I launched our own brand of cacao - www.breathepraylove.co.uk, importing from Peru and sourcing from the Ashaninka tribe, to share the love with as many people as possible.

I was on a healing journey and I wanted so much to share it with others but there was a final piece missing before I could really show up in my truth and that was to undo the beliefs that were still running the show, my character/personality and release the guilt and shame the ego still had me believe was part of me. I embarked on an 18 month deep dive into 'A Course in Miracles', travelling the world and working intensively to undo the egoic thought system……to undo the absolute tosh I was believing, all it’s judgements, projections, attack and defence thoughts. It was not for the faint hearted but without doubt the best work I’ve ever done.

This was the cherry on the top of everything I had done and deepened my connection to the truth of me - Unconditional Love.

Looking back I can see there had been a lot of suppression of feelings, perfectionism, being a high achiever and not being completely authentic or true to myself. I had unknowingly been heavily in my masculine energy.

Now this has been healed and released, I am in a position to work with you and give you all the tools you need to release yourself from the shackles of the mind.

When you come out of the egoic thought system, your true nature can emerge and LOVE guides the way……some call it Universe, some call it Source Energy, I call it God.

Old stories are gone, projections, blame, judgements are no more and I am FREE!!

I am here to help you get free too. If I can do it, so can you.

For Everything A Reason…..and my reason is YOU!